It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
