you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
