At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
