My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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