I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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