I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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