He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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