Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
