2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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