We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
be right there i have to get my cape
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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