My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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