my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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