when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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