She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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