So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i need some magic done to my vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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