Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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