Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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