im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
