Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
