i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
