she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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