he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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