Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
