omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
