Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
