I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
