what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
