what day is it and did you see me today?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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