I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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