i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
