i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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