Im at strip club and am horny
if you like me you must not know who I am
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Holy shit dude........stairs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
