Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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