So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
