hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
