It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
