i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
