the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
