escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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