The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
