Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
