Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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