Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
