Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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