he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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