I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
