His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
