i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
