i was born a porn star she said
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
