i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
