We won't sleep together?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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