i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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