what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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