im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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